Guilt, Demands, and Emotional Flexibility: Reflections on an REBT Demonstration

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 I regularly attend the Saturday presentations conducted by Dr. Walter Matweychuk through www.rebtdoctor.com. Open to the public, these sessions are extremely helpful in deepening my understanding of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. The content of this past Saturday’s demonstration illustrates several core REBT principles worth sharing.

In this session, a volunteer discussed feeling guilty after realizing she would not be able to meet a commitment she had made to a friend. From this situation, a number of important therapeutic themes emerged.

1. Human Fallibility and Self-Evaluation

Human beings are evolving, complex, and prone to error. We set goals, but we do not always meet them. REBT reminds us that while we can evaluate our actions, we cannot accurately rate our entire worth based on performance. Healthy self-evaluation focuses on behavior, not global self-judgment.

2. Preferences, Demands, and Emotional Disturbance

We approach adverse events with preferences and expectations. Difficulties arise when these preferences are transformed into rigid demands. When preferences turn into “I must,” “I have to,” or “This should not happen,” emotional disturbance tends to follow. Rigid and extreme beliefs often lead to unhealthy negative emotions such as anxiety, guilt, or shame.

3. The Interaction Between Thoughts and Emotions

Thoughts do not only influence emotions; emotions also influence thoughts in return. Once a dysfunctional emotion develops, it tends to generate biased thinking. Under anxiety or panic, people are more likely to catastrophize, overgeneralize, or selectively focus on threat. Emotional disturbance narrows perception and interferes with effective problem-solving.

4. Concern and Anxiety on a Continuum

Concern and anxiety exist on a continuum. Mild concern is often healthy and protective. Panic, however, often reflects rigid and extreme outcome beliefs and tends to impair problem-solving. REBT does not aim to eliminate all negative emotion. Rather, it seeks to transform unhealthy anxiety into healthy concern by replacing demands with flexible preferences.

5. The Function of Guilt

It is reasonable to prefer keeping commitments and helping others. Yet there are times when this is not possible. Difficulties arise when these preferences become absolute requirements. When we insist that we must never disappoint anyone, or that suffering must not exist, excessive guilt and impaired decision-making often result. A healthier stance recognizes that suffering is part of the human condition and that imperfection does not define our worth.

6. Humans as Imperfect Scientists

The psychologist George Kelly’s observation that human beings are like scientists—though not always very good ones—was also discussed. We constantly form hypotheses about ourselves and the world, yet we often cling to faulty conclusions and struggle to revise them in the face of new evidence. REBT encourages intellectual flexibility: testing beliefs, examining evidence, and revising inaccurate assumptions.

7. Rating and Global Evaluation

The tendency to rate ourselves and others in absolute, global terms was also discussed. Although this tendency usually works as a quick and efficient survival tool, difficulties arise when global evaluations are applied to situations that require flexibility and nuance. It is useful to say, “That approach did not work.” It is harmful, however, to conclude, “I am a failure because that approach did not work.” REBT teaches flexible evaluation that supports growth rather than self-condemnation.

Taken together, these ideas illustrate how emotional disturbance develops from rigid thinking and how psychological health depends on flexibility, realism, and self-acceptance. REBT does not promise a life without disappointment or discomfort. Instead, it offers tools for responding to adversity with clarity, resilience, and compassion toward oneself.

Readers who are interested in learning more or participating in these demonstrations can contact Dr. Walter Matweychuk directly at rebtdoctor@gmail.com.

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