Reflections On Counseling

  A common misconception about therapy is that its goal is to eliminate negative, uncomfortable emotions. However, one of the key insights from cognitive psychology is this: negative emotions can be healthy—and even beneficial. They are part of our biological makeup and serve important, adaptive functions. The goal isn’t to get rid of these emotions but to understand them better so we can use them to our advantage. Unhealthy vs. Healthy Negative Emotions Cognitive psychology shows that unhealthy emotions—such as anxiety, depression, guilt, and rage—usually arise from dysfunctional beliefs. These beliefs tend to be rigid, extreme, or unrealistic. As a result, the emotions they trigger are intense, overwhelming, and unproductive, often leading to avoidance, paralysis, or self-defeating behaviors. In contrast, healthy negative emotions—like concern, sadness, remorse, and frustration—stem from realistic and flexible beliefs. These emotions are still painful and uncomfortable but remain...

Emotional responsibility is the idea that, to a large extent, our emotions are shaped by how we interpret what happens. Most of us assume emotions are caused directly by events—“I got angry because I was passed over for a promotion,” or “I’m anxious because I have to meet with my boss today.” This kind of cause-and-effect explanation is common, but cognitive psychology offers a different, well researched, perspective. It suggests there’s a brief mental space between the moment we perceive an event and the moment we feel an emotion. In that space, we interpret what is happening and form an opinion about it—labeling it as good, bad, annoying, horrible, and so on. Our emotional response depends on that evaluation. An event judged as a minor inconvenience will trigger a very different reaction than one seen as a major threat. Importantly, a complete or accurate understanding of the event isn’t necessary—our emotions respond to the meaning and opinion we attach to the event, which can somet...

Understanding Fear: From Concern to Anxiety to Panic Fear is a natural and essential part of being human. It arises when we believe that something bad might happen—usually in the near future. The threat may involve physical harm to ourselves or loved ones, but it can also target our ego, identity, or sense of worth. While fear is uncomfortable, it's not something to eliminate. In therapy, the goal is not to suppress fear, but to guide its appropriate and helpful expression. To respond to fear in a healthy, functional way, we need to understand the role of evaluation in our cognitive processes. Varieties of Fear and Their Purpose Fear varies in intensity, duration, and frequency. Here are some commonly experienced types: Concern – A mild, rational awareness of potential problems that helps us plan and take precautions. Alertness – Heightened focus and readiness to respond. Worry – Persistent thoughts about uncertain outcomes. Apprehension – Uneasy anticipation prompting caution....

In our previous article, we explored the ABCDE Model, a powerful tool from Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) that helps us understand the connection between our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Now, let's see how this model could be used in a fictional, but fairly common real life scenario. The characters and scenario are entirely fictional. The ABCDE Model in Action A: Adverse Event Sarah, a marketing professional, reported that she had been working for months on a major project, hoping it would lead to a long-awaited promotion. When the announcement came, her colleague, Mark, received the promotion instead. B: Beliefs Sarah’s initial thoughts were: “I’m shocked. This is completely unfair!” “I should have been promoted—I’ve worked harder than anyone!” “I’m a complete failure.” When exploring core beliefs underlying these thoughts, Sarah identified: “I must always succeed and be recognized. If not, I’m a failure.” “Others should always respect me. If they don’t, they’re ab...