Why Do We Lose Joy in Work — Even When We’re Successful?

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 Many people begin their work or creative pursuits with genuine enthusiasm. Over time, however, something shifts. Skills improve, experience grows, and accomplishments accumulate — yet the joy that once fueled the effort begins to fade.

Why does this happen?

A recent Saturday REBT demonstration led by Dr. Walter Matweychuk offered a vivid illustration of this question. The volunteer described a loss of joy in playing his musical instrument. For many years he had loved playing and steadily developed his skills. He eventually reached a high level of competence, performed with strong bands, and made recordings. Yet despite these accomplishments, the enjoyment he once felt had diminished considerably.

Several important therapeutic themes emerged.

1. “This Song Is Bringing Me Down”

One of the first themes was the volunteer’s tendency to say something like, “Writing this song brought me down.” In other words, he viewed the activity itself as the cause of his sadness.

As Dr. Matweychuk pointed out, this reflects a common cognitive error: assuming that events directly cause our emotions. REBT emphasizes that what affects us most is not the situation itself, but the attitudes and expectations we bring to it.

When the focus shifted from “this song is depressing me” to “what am I telling myself about this song,” the source of his distress became clearer.

2. Expectations and Comparison

It became apparent that the loss of joy was closely related to expectations and comparison.

Although the volunteer had developed significant skill, he was not among the very best musicians in the field. Over time, he increasingly compared himself to elite performers.

Earlier in his development, improvement itself had been satisfying. Now, his attention had shifted toward how he measured up to others.

When his performances or compositions did not meet his expectations, he experienced unhealthy sadness.

3. Behavioral Consequences of Unhealthy Sadness

This emotional pattern led to predictable behavioral consequences.

When discouraged, he often stopped practicing and withdrew from active development. Instead, he might watch television or ruminate about songs that “did not work.”

Rather than motivating growth, his sadness led to avoidance. This illustrates how unhealthy negative emotions interfere with constructive action.

4. Healthy vs. Unhealthy Disappointment

The session also highlighted the difference between healthy and unhealthy disappointment.

A healthy response might sound like:

“This isn’t going as well as I would like, but that happens. This piece isn’t perfect, but it’s still mine. I can keep working on it.”

Healthy disappointment is flexible and motivating.

In contrast, unhealthy sadness is fueled by rigid beliefs and extreme expectations. It turns normal setbacks into personal defeat.

5. The Demand to Be Elite

A deeper belief emerged: the idea that playing music was only worthwhile if he belonged to the elite.

In effect:

“If I’m not among the best, then this isn’t worth doing.”

This reflects a rigid demand rather than a healthy preference.

It is reasonable to want to be very good. It is emotionally harmful to believe that one must be exceptional in order to enjoy the activity.

When enjoyment becomes conditional on elite status, passion turns into pressure.

6. When Growth Slows and Passion Becomes Pressure

When people first learn a skill, progress is rapid and improvement is gratifying. As competence increases, progress slows. Advancing to the next level becomes more difficult and requires patience.

At that stage, frustration can increase.

It is easy to shift from enjoying the activity itself to seeking approval and recognition. Satisfaction becomes tied to praise rather than growth.

When that happens, rigid demands replace flexible preferences, and the joy gradually diminishes.

Becoming aware of this shift allows a return to intrinsic motivation—curiosity, growth, and appreciation of the activity itself.

7. Performance and Self-Worth

Another theme was the danger of defining oneself entirely by performance.

The volunteer had begun to equate the quality of his music with his total worth as a person. If the music was not good enough, then he was not good enough.

We are persons first and performers second. We are persons who play instruments.

Our value does not rise and fall with each performance.

When we forget this distinction, everything becomes emotionally loaded and unnecessarily serious.

Conclusion

This demonstration offered a clear illustration of how rigid expectations, excessive comparison, and global self-evaluation can gradually undermine enjoyment.

By replacing demands with flexible preferences and separating self-worth from performance, it becomes possible to pursue excellence without sacrificing emotional well-being.

Passion is often restored when we return to why we began in the first place: interest, curiosity, and love for the activity itself.

Join Us

If you’re interested in learning more about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy or observing these live demonstrations, visit www.rebtdoctor.com or contact Dr. Walter Matweychuk at rebtdoctor@gmail.com The sessions are free, open to the public, and consistently thoughtful and worthwhile.

Stay Connected

New reflections are shared on LinkedIn and Facebook. You’re welcome to follow me there for updates.

If you’d prefer to receive an occasional email notification when a new post is published, feel free to contact me directly at jmbustamantelcsw@gmail.com

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