Reflections On Counseling

Emotional responsibility is the idea that, to a large extent, our emotions are shaped by how we interpret what happens. Most of us assume emotions are caused directly by events—“I got angry because I was passed over for a promotion,” or “I’m anxious because I have to meet with my boss today.” This kind of cause-and-effect explanation is common, but cognitive psychology offers a different, well researched, perspective. It suggests there’s a brief mental space between the moment we perceive an event and the moment we feel an emotion. In that space, we interpret what is happening and form an opinion about it—labeling it as good, bad, annoying, horrible, and so on. Our emotional response depends on that evaluation. An event judged as a minor inconvenience will trigger a very different reaction than one seen as a major threat. Importantly, a complete or accurate understanding of the event isn’t necessary—our emotions respond to the meaning and opinion we attach to the event, which can somet...

Understanding Fear: From Concern to Anxiety to Panic Fear is a natural and essential part of being human. It arises when we believe that something bad might happen—usually in the near future. The threat may involve physical harm to ourselves or loved ones, but it can also target our ego, identity, or sense of worth. While fear is uncomfortable, it's not something to eliminate. In therapy, the goal is not to suppress fear, but to guide its appropriate and helpful expression. To respond to fear in a healthy, functional way, we need to understand the role of evaluation in our cognitive processes. Varieties of Fear and Their Purpose Fear varies in intensity, duration, and frequency. Here are some commonly experienced types: Concern – A mild, rational awareness of potential problems that helps us plan and take precautions. Alertness – Heightened focus and readiness to respond. Worry – Persistent thoughts about uncertain outcomes. Apprehension – Uneasy anticipation prompting caution....

Many of my sessions are structured around the ABCDE model of therapy, developed by Dr. Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). This model helps us understand how our thoughts influence our emotions and behaviors—and how we can change them. The Five Components of the ABCDE Model A: Adverse Event An adverse event is anything we perceive as upsetting or problematic. It might relate to the past, present, or future. Examples include losing a job, being criticized, or anticipating a stressful situation. B: Beliefs Albert Ellis made the observation that extreme and rigid core beliefs are at the heart of psychological dysfunction. He recognized that there are healthy core beliefs that facilitate our psychological functioning but When we are faced with an adverse event, we automatically interpret and evaluate it. These evaluations—how bad, unfair, or intolerable we think something is—are what lead to our emotional and behavioral responses. Our evaluations stem fr...

  Another valuable concept for understanding how we function psychologically is the cognitive triangle —the dynamic interaction between what we think, what we feel, and what we do. Many people believe that emotions simply happen to us, or that external events directly cause our feelings and actions. We hear phrases like, “He made me mad,” or “Interviews make me nervous,” which suggest that events are the direct cause of our emotional and behavioral reactions. But that’s not quite accurate. A Common Event, Different Responses Consider this scenario: three individuals each receive the exact same piece of paper in the mail—a divorce notification. Person A jumps for joy, calls friends, and plans a celebratory night out. Person B rips up the papers in a fit of rage, screams in frustration, and punches a wall. Person C sits down, begins to cry, and isolates themselves for two days, feeling consumed by loss. The activating event—the divorce notice—was identical for al...

There are many different ways of explaining why we feel and behave the way we do. One of the more practical and simple explanations has to do with three components: our biological predispositions, our developmental history, and our cognitive framework- how we interpret and evaluate our experiences. Our Biological Predispositions This first component is about the way we're put together by nature. Similar to our physical characteristics, human beings have different biological tendencies when it comes to how we feel and act. Some of us experience our emotions more often, more intensely, and for longer periods of time than others do. Behaviorally, some of us are more energetic and active than others. The good news is that these biological tendencies are more manageable today than ever before. Since the 1980s, a broad range of pharmaceutical and therapeutic interventions have emerged, making it much easier to maximize the benefits of our biological predispositions and minimize their lim...