The Cognitive Triangle

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Another valuable concept for understanding how we function psychologically is the cognitive triangle—the dynamic interaction between what we think, what we feel, and what we do.

Many people believe that emotions simply happen to us, or that external events directly cause our feelings and actions. We hear phrases like, “He made me mad,” or “Interviews make me nervous,” which suggest that events are the direct cause of our emotional and behavioral reactions.

But that’s not quite accurate.

A Common Event, Different Responses

Consider this scenario: three individuals each receive the exact same piece of paper in the mail—a divorce notification.

  • Person A jumps for joy, calls friends, and plans a celebratory night out.

  • Person B rips up the papers in a fit of rage, screams in frustration, and punches a wall.

  • Person C sits down, begins to cry, and isolates themselves for two days, feeling consumed by loss.

The activating event—the divorce notice—was identical for all three. Yet their emotions (joy, rage, sadness) and behaviors (celebrating, destroying property, isolating) were vastly different.

So what explains this?

It's Not Just the Event—It's the Evaluation

The event itself does not directly determine how we feel or act. In fact, it’s not even just the initial interpretation of the event (e.g., “She’s leaving me”) that matters most. What drives our emotional and behavioral responses is the deeper evaluation we make—the meaning we assign to the event.

  • Person A may think: “She’s leaving me.” But they evaluate it as a strong benefit: “This is a fantastic opportunity to start a better chapter of my life.” That evaluation fuels their joy and celebration.

  • Person B may also think: “She’s leaving me.” But they evaluate it as an extreme injustice: “This is horrible and completely unfair. It must not happen!” Such a rigid and demanding belief leads to anger and destructive behavior.

  • Person C interprets the same event as an extreme loss: “My life is ruined. I’ve lost everything, and I’ll never recover.” This hopeless, catastrophic evaluation results in deep sadness and withdrawal.

The Cycle Reinforces Itself

What we do afterward influences how we continue to feel. Person A’s celebration might lead to social support and a sense of freedom, which reinforces their positive evaluation. Person B’s aggression might cause legal or relational problems, deepening their sense of injustice. Person C’s isolation cuts them off from help or hope, intensifying their sadness.

This ongoing interaction among thoughts, feelings, and behaviors is what the cognitive triangle illustrates. Each part affects and reinforces the others—sometimes in helpful ways, sometimes not.

Why It Matters

Understanding and applying this concept is a powerful step toward greater emotional health. One of the most practical insights from the cognitive triangle is this:

A  focus on changing any one component—thought, feeling, or behavior—can influence the others.

If you're feeling down and find yourself avoiding people or staying inactive, choosing to change your behavior—like taking a walk, calling a friend, or going to the gym—can help shift your mood. That mood shift can then open the door to more hopeful thinking, creating positive momentum.

Alternatively, focusing on the cognitive side of the triangle and going through the ABCDE process may help reframe your beliefs, which in turn can positively affect both your behavior and emotional state.

Key Takeaways

  • Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are closely connected.

  • A change in one area can influence the others—for better or worse.

  • Applying this insight can help you improve your emotional well-being and make constructive changes in your life.






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